Keep Your Identity Diversified
INTRODUCTION
Paul Graham’s essay “Keep Your Identity Small” argues that the more labels we attach to ourselves, the harder it becomes to think clearly. He writes:
“If people can't think clearly about anything that has become part of their identity, then all other things being equal, the best plan is to let as few things into your identity as possible.
Most people reading this will already be fairly tolerant. But there is a step beyond thinking of yourself as x but tolerating y: not even to consider yourself an x. The more labels you have for yourself, the dumber they make you.”
It’s a compelling idea, and I agree with Graham’s underlying concern: identity can cloud judgment. When we anchor ourselves too strongly to an idea, it can become difficult to change our minds - even in the face of new evidence.
But I land somewhere else. Rather than shrinking our identities, I believe we should be more intentional about shaping them. That means grounding ourselves in foundational values and intentionally diversifying the roles we inhabit.
My goals here are:
To outline where I think Graham’s argument misses the mark
To offer a different approach to identity: one based on self-awareness, value alignment, and diversification
Where Graham’s Argument Falls Short
Is it a bit presumptuous of me to think I can refine the thinking of the man who founded Y Combinator? The answer is yes, but we’re already here so I might as well take a stab at it:
1) Minimizing Identity Isn’t Sustainable
Graham’s call to limit the composition of our identity may work in theory, especially for topics like politics or religion. But in practice, it’s unrealistic. We are social beings. We inevitably wear labels - as children, siblings, professionals, or community members. Identity is not optional. The real question is whether we’re shaping it or letting it shape us.
By suggesting we avoid labels altogether, Graham’s approach risks encouraging disengagement rather than introspection. Instead of keeping identity small, we should focus on keeping it examined.
2) Identity Doesn’t Have To Be Superficial
Graham focuses specifically on external or divisive identities - religion, politics, and profession. But identity can (and should) be rooted in something deeper. Rather than tying our sense of self to superficial titles, we can ground it in foundational traits: things like empathy, humility, and integrity.
These are traits that are valued and respected across eras and cultures. Because they are intrinsic rather than situational, they tend to be more stable and adaptable across the many contexts we move through in life.
A Healthier WAy To Build Identity
If identity is unavoidable, how do we engage with it productively? After thinking about it for way too long, I’ve found the following approach provides a solid start:
1) Take Inventory of Your Current Identity
Before shaping your identity, understand where it stands today. You can start by asking more surface-level questions:
How do I spend my time outside of work?
What activities dominate my week?
What qualities or perceptions would I be uncomfortable losing?
However, as you begin to peel the layers back, you’ll likely find yourself considering deeper, foundational questions:
Why do I spend my time where I do?
What values do I consider non-negotiable?
How do I want to be remembered by those closest to me?
Moving from surface-level to deeper lines of questioning helps reveal not just what you do, but who you’re becoming - and why. Exploring these layers often uncovers where we’ve invested meaning, sometimes unconsciously.
For example, someone might realize their self-worth is closely tied to being seen as productive, physically fit, or intellectually impressive. These identities aren’t inherently bad, but left unexamined, they can become blind spots - quietly influencing our choices, emotions, and priorities without us even realizing it.
2) Anchor Yourself In Core TRaits, Not Titles
There are two layers to identity:
Core identity: Who you are - your character, values, intentions
Contextual identity: Roles you play - employee, friend, parent, fan*
Your core identity should be grounded in values that transcend context. Traits like honesty or kindness aren’t bound to a specific job or relationship - they go wherever you do. When we lead with those, we benefit from stability even as the world around us changes.
3) When It Comes To Titles - Embrace Multiple, Meaningful Roles
While we can’t avoid contextual labels, we can diversify them. Instead of being defined by one role - “the athlete,” “the analyst,” “the parent” - we can deliberately expand our identity across a range of meaningful roles.
This has two major benefits:
Resilience: When one facet of our identity falters, others can support us.
For example, if your sense of self is entirely wrapped up in a prestigious job, and you lose that job, your entire world is likely going to get rocked.
However, on the contrary, if you have other parts of your identity that you can be proud of (e.g., being a father, being the best player on your beer league softball team, etc.), leaning into those other parts of your identity can help stabilize you as you get back on your feet professionally.
Growth: Adding new dimensions to our identities pushes us into new, uncomfortable environments that ultimately lead to personal growth.
There’s an art to not spreading yourself too thin, but it’s generally helpful to have one area of your life where you can really feel yourself stretching and actively growing. This is a feel thing and will vary for everyone, but as a rule of thumb, this should feel at least a little bit uncomfortable. Maybe it’s a bit trite, but growth comes at the edge of our comfort zone after all.
More tactically, this could be joining a writing group, volunteering, or learning a new skill - whatever floats your boat and gives you a healthy challenge.
I came across a quote recently that resonated here: “To be the noun, you have to do the verb.”
You want to be a writer? Put pen to paper. You want to be in shape? Show up at the gym. You want to be a mentor? Reach out to someone who needs support. Crafting your identity requires action.
CONCLUSION
Rather than minimizing your identity, take ownership of it. Build it on a foundation of values. Stay open to new roles. And check in with yourself regularly.
The goal isn’t to avoid being someone. It’s to become someone on purpose.
So ask yourself: What traits or titles define me today - and are they the ones I want shaping my future?
Thank you to Brandon Sloan and Tony S., Esq. for reading various versions of this essay.
*Note: As an OKC Thunder fan, I’ve been leaning into this portion of my identity heavily lately - I am a champion and no one can tell me otherwise